Since I last seriously posted on this topic, things are different. My job is still insane, I wear so many hats, I resemble a hat stand. I’ve also picked up some professional association appointments along the way, because apparently I seem responsible and competent. So, with more and more stuff on my plate (oh dear god, so much stuff), how do I keep all my balls in the air?
I have no idea. I have a to-do list, a calendar, an overflowing email, fencing practice and a running schedule.
The issue with mental illness is that you’re just waiting for the next bout to strike. It’s lurking there, like that cold your cubemate brought to work from home, and you try to disinfect your side of the desk, but it is no match for the germs. Eventually it will come.
This seems fatalistic of me, but I’m never far away from a depressive episode. My goals this year, brain wise are to continue the good habits I picked up last year, and to add a couple of good habits (the first one, “eat balanced meals” has been going well). That being said, my mental health was not 100% for the entire year.
I am hoping that a raft of good habits can help me stave off depression and anxiety a bit longer between episodes. It might not. But every little bit can help, and with something like 24 years of experience with depression and anxiety, I can tell you that it’s a battle fought and won by inches.
There’s hope. And when every victory is hard, it doesn’t hurt to celebrate a little. So here’s to making through another year and meeting my goals, and here’s to a year where my goals are bigger and hairier, but achievable.